Area Man May Have Sharted

A local man may have sharted in his pants early this morning. Finger tests have proved inconclusive. "The man woke up, took a messy shit, and then took a shower. After the shower he was getting dressed when a moist blurple came out," said an eye witness who refused to be identified. "The fact that he just took a shower makes it difficult to detect with just a finger test," a toxicologist on scene said. "We may need to do a butthole inspection in the mirror to truly determine what went on here."

The man was reportedly laying on the couch when he decided to squeeze out what he thought was just noxious gas. However, he may have been mistaken as his sphincter decided to let some juice loose as well. Authorities have secured the area and are treating it like a level 2 biohazard until the toxicologist results come in.