Kids Today Are Foppish Dandies

Is it just me or are kids today starting to get a little queerer? When I was a kid I wore sweatpants or some other kind of athletic gear to school every day. I remember one day I wore jeans to school in 4th grade and everyone asked me what I was all dressed up for. I lied and said that my mom died and I had to go to her funeral after school. It wasn't until middle school when boys started noticing the bumps on the girls chests were going to be boobs one day and that these girls might like you more if you wore some cool clothes. Gone were the grass-stained sweats and in came jeans and Stussy shirts. But the kids these days? They start wearing Stussy in kindergarten. Elementary school kids are putting product in their hair and wearing Sevens. Take a trip to Alderwood Mall sometime and see for yourself. (Note: Don't) Do they not care about the excellent mobility of a nice elastic waist? Nope, they only care about their Myspace page and quoting Napoleon Dynamite or how to get Napoleon Dynamite quotes on their Myspace page. They are pretty much turning into giant gaymos.

Case and point. When the SuperSoaker 50 came out it changed the world of squirt gun fights. This was the watergun equivalent of the bolt-action rifle. Not only could you squirt water 10 times farther, you didn't need to refill the thing every 2 minutes. But today's gay youth, they aren't satisfied with a gun that just shoots water. They need something a little more homoerotic to fit their fancy. So, Hasbro came out with this: