Juggalo Attack!

Oh dear! It seems those fearsome Juggalos have done it again. The Seattle Times had an article today which broke the story. The Juggalos have been gathering in Ft. Steilacoom park to drink and smoke marijuana. But you know those wiley Juggalos aren't just going to sit around peacefully. They have really jumped it up a notch by beating up other people in the park and "threatening to cut their heads off." One of the Juggalos was even armed with a machete (are we in Rwanda or something?). Even though some arrests were made, the end of Juggalo violence does not seem near. The Times states: "One of the men charged in the attacks claimed that Juggalo groups are growing in Pierce County — going by the names 'Hatchet Riders,' 'Juggalo Empire' and 'Northwest Juggalo Posse.'"

I always thought Juggalos were a hilarious oddity. You might be wondering, exactly what are these Juggalos? They are the retarded devout fans of the Insane Clown Posse. ICP member Violent J raps:

What is a juggalo?
Let me think for a second
Oh, he gets butt-naked
And then he walks through the streets
Winking at the freaks
With a two-liter stuck in his butt-cheeks.

I like how Violent J needs a moment to contemplate his answer, then decides that the best description of a Juggalo is a person with a bottle of soda inserted in his anus. Later descriptions also tell us that a Juggalo is apt to "put a weave in his nut hair" and isn't afraid to tell a "bitch that her butt stinks." Oooh, scary! I just can't wait until these kids are in their 30's and look back on their youth and wonder "What the fuck was I doing? I worshipped fat guys in clown makeup who rapped about Faygo soda." So next time you see some ugly white kid drinking a Faygo and shopping at Hot Topic, just point and laugh because you know where that bottle has been.