Every once in awhile, a blog comes along that changes the face of the internet as we know it. This is a steaming pile of crap.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Washington State Primary

I enjoy voting and you should too, even if it is just a primary. To help you make your decisions, here are my endorsements for the Washington State Senate Race. I know they are both Democrats, but it was honestly too difficult to choose between these two fine candidates. Everything that follows is copied exactly from the voter's pamphlet. I did not even make up this guy's middle name.


Michael Goodspaceguy Nelson (Democratic)

Some centuries have greatness in them. In about the last hundred years, we humans developed cars, radios, airplanes, movies, television, and computerization. We moved from the Horse and Buggy Age into the start of the Space Age. Now a great goal for this new century is Orbital Space Colonization. Let’s build the Fantastic Future! Let’s spread the life of Spaceship Earth out into our Solar System!

With help from NASA, let’s start the seeds of several small and growing orbital space colonies in orbit around Earth, around the Moon, and around Mars. With all the money we have already spent on our space programs, we should already have these growing, orbital space colonies. Unfortunately, much of our space money has been wasted. It is as if our leaders have not been educated in orbital space colonization. The waste and destruction of taxpayers’ space property show a lack of understanding of space colonization.

Also, we should replace war on our Spaceship Earth with world-wide free trade. It doesn’t make sense to bomb world-wide customers and suppliers. World peace and education and employment should also be our big goals.

Let’s use our unemployed people! Unemployment is a huge waste! Our government should back its minimum wage by employing those who apply (including people with problems).

Because some workers want more leisure, government should lead by creating many flexible employment programs, such as the three day and four day work week options.

Let’s establish a head tax to slow the population explosion (the cause of many problems) on our Spaceship Earth. A head tax would be more pleasant than the old, cruel methods of population control, such as starvation, disease, and war.

To learn more about my proposed plans, please also read my second blog: http://colonizeorbitalspace.blogspot.com
Phone:206-390-0373
Web site:http://colonizespace.blogspot.com
Address:10219 Ninth Avenue S.
Seattle, WA 98168

Mike The Mover (Democratic)

Listen to the thunder, hear the Governor roar; Mike the Mover’s loose again, and knocking at the door! Load up the cannon, call out the law, ’cause it’s the biggest calamity folks have ever saw. Girls run and hide, brave men shiver, every time they think they hear the name of Mike the Mover. Courtesy of Disney Productions 1958.

A message to King George of Texas: Subject = Iraq.
A wise man would surely recognize that an oasis exists beyond the sand storm. You continue to fight the sand storm with nothing more than a leaf blower. You’re lucky the Presidency doesn’t require an IQ test. Put Saddam Hussein back in power and let the Iraqi army patrol their own borders. Soon the pipeline will be spilling riches to the ports and onto the open market. Pull your troops back into Kuwait, and turn-off your leaf blower.

A message to the Royal British Crown: Subject = Queen of Pigs.
In 1859, a war was averted between the United States and Great Britain over the killing of a pig on the San Juan Islands. It seems you blokes didn’t learn anything from that altercation. One of your subjects, Victoria, Canada continues to pour untreated waste-water into the Straits of Juan de Fuca. Perhaps a United Nations resolution is needed to make those pigs clean-up their mess, or maybe another war!

A message to Senator Ted Stevens-R, Alaska: Subject = Joker Run Wild.
Stop picking on girls! Here’s the proposal: You and Mover go three rounds of fisticuffs at Key Arena. The winner takes the purse. Truth be known, most Washingtonians think you’re a bully, and really a 500 lb. sissy.

A message to Jenny Markum: Subject = Amber Alert.
A former Edmonds, Washington resident. Not seen since 1996. Call campaign headquarters ASAP (206)546.9545).

Phone:206-546-9545
Address:115 W. Dayton Street
Edmonds, WA 98020

Sunday, September 17, 2006

Norm


Thanks to Tight Eyez.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Tribute to the Ugliest Man in the NBA

Here's a quick update with a little Dunleavy action:




This one gave me goosebumps.


Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Countdown

I became very excited today when I saw a poster advertising the 1st Annual Northwest Salsa Congress. It is only two days away. I predict the delegate from New York City will be openly mocked.


Follow Up: I just went to the website www.nwcongress.com, and it appears that this "congress" is not about the #1 condiment in the United States, but about salsa dancing (the #1,358 condiment, just behind diarrhea).